.--. .-. . -.-. .. --- ..- ... .-- .... .. - . ..-. . .- - .... . .-.

i'd  like  to  show  you  what's  like  being  weigtless  and  carefree  like  a  white  feather  swinging  casually  in  the  air  ;

but /// i  no  longer : connect  to  that  part  of  myself ;

mystery  or  mysery 

i   say  it's  both

but  the  more  i  think  about  it

the  more  absurd    it    feels

how  could   i  not  recall  something  i   just  spoke  about  seconds   ago

that  small   white  feather   follows  me   everywhere   i   go 

it   never leeeeeeeeeeaves my     sight even     when    i sleep

precious    white    feather 

             .
            / \
           /   \
          /     \
         /       \
        /         \
       /           \
      /             \
     /               \
    /                 \
   /                   \
  /                     \
 /                       \
/                         \
\                         /
 \                       /
  \                     /
   \                   \
    \                   \
     \                   \
      \                   \
       \                   \
        \                   \
         \                   \
          \                   \
           \                   \
            \                   \
             \                   \
              \                   '
               \
                \
                 \
                  '
           &&& &&  & &&
       && &\/&\|& ()|/ @, &&
       &\/(/&/&||/& /_/)_&/_&
    &() &\/&|()|/&\/ '%" & ()
   &_\_&&_\ |& |&&/&__%_/_& &&
&&   && & &| &| /& & % ()& /&&
   ()&_---()&\&\|&&-&&--%---()~
             &&     \|||
                     |||
                     |||
                     |||
               /\    |||
              /  \   |||
             /    \  |||

      
 

 

 

illustration Libico Maraja

 

 

 The Fault in my Venus

Hey you - i kinda like you love you

you, 

mesmerising You

mysterious You

intriguing You

indispensable You

i thought of You deeply and keenly

staring for long hours at the night sky 

I longed for you desperately and foolishly 

daydreaming, procrastinating my life away

one train ride at a time. 

I created You

You and that strange Look in your eyes

I invented the Idea of You

Like a warm nest where I could sit 

long enough for my dream eggs to 

become paradise birds.

I grew and harvested You

like golden grapes in a sunny vineyard 

so that I could savor your flavour

while watching the last sunset on Earth

I kept You hidden

in my Heart like a buried treasure

 no pirate or thief could ever find

for only pure souls could understand and cherish

the true meaning of this peace of mind

You held me in your arms

like lovers do in the movies, cradled me 

humming a soft tune - what was that You

mumbled: those three words, I thought, at last

Instead I heard - i am sorry 

too much time wasted now on thinking of all of You,s

too much time spent inventing urban legends and romcom stories 

too much time questioning myself to the core

Now I know

Now it’s different

Now i’ve grown old

The New Moon in Aquarius is responsible 

for finally admitting what i could not 

for so so long

Infatuation is You / insignificant You / demystified You

disposable You / 

When all

is over

i celebrate my freedom 

and turn back to Love.

 

 

distorsion

 

Mother

 Motherhood

Motherboard 

Mothership

Mother-lord

Love and Fear

Overload

it’s all part of Nature

yet it feels so unnatural 

my brain is foggy

stoned

prolactine shots

extra oxytocin 

my body’s dancing

out of rythme 

the fountain of life

my breasts 

are open bar

24/7

i’m whole though

i’ve never felt so whole

my body is not a temple

it’s the gateway to Source

it’s thousand years

made of stardust old

it’s the legacy 

that elders left me

to pass on without complaint 

and yet

i yell and cry

i dwell and try

a hug is needed every 30 seconds

a storm of words 

so choose them carefully 

how to be one now

it’s nearly impossible 

the present is extended 

the futur is predictable 

from where i stand

it’s fairly reversible. 

i no longer belong to myself

i’m now in service of

two tiny humans 

is this how humankind is made?

motherhood

motherboard

mothership

motherLord. 

 

quand j’étais petite

tout était simple
je cachais le monde
tel un grain de sable
dans un coquillage
au fond de la mer.


quand j’étais petite
les couleurs tel un royaume
m’ouvraient les portes
d’un rêve éveillé, un mystère 
au goût acidulé.


quand j’étais petite
les méchants allaient dans un sens
les gentils dans l’autre
impossible de les mélanger
jamais on pouvait les confondre.

quand j’étais petite
la nuit veillait sur le jour
sans rien demander en retour

sauf peut-être une promesse

- pouvoir partir et revenir 

sans cesse.

quand j’étais petite…

quand est-ce j’ai grandi
aussi vite? 

read my lips

trapped in this game

i can only admire the details of it
closely and surely
they’re all made of dust
as am i 
fly away with the wind
my essence will foolishly wish
to come back

but not I
the person I am today
has decided
no more Earth games
take me elsewhere 
into oblivion 
take me where “I” no longer exists

i have no dreams no desire
to
BE
i leave that to the birds and trees 
….
don’t worry i am not in a hurry
i’ll stick around a little bit longer
for the kids <3 <3

i won’t tell you when i leave though
i’ll just close my eyes
and in one single breath 
will speak out my last truth
can you hear it?

read my lips.

M

 

Les pissenlits

 Les pissenlits avaient fait tomber leur robe jaune quand ma grand-mère a décidé de partir. Du jour au lendemain les espaces verts devant la maison étaient peuplés de petites boules semi transparentes, fragiles mais tout aussi résistantes face au vent. Ce matin là, est apparu comme de nulle part, un brouillard, et dans la pénombre on n apercevait que les têtes des pissenlits, bichonnées et prêtes à partager leurs semences - la création d’une vie - avec le monde. Même le soleil n’osait pas briller trop de peur de les brûler. Tout se tenait prêt pour rendre un dernier hommage - mais à qui et au nom de quoi?  Le temps s’est arrêté un instant et pour moi c’était une évidence.

Tu me manques trop déjà. 

Gelatin nature

twenty one years

is nothing

i was only sixteen 

when we first met

never been kissed

dying to fall in love

waiting for someone

to dream and to miss

you just turned seventeen

you thought you knew it all

cool sunglasses

badass sneakers

and a walk to impress

you thought you had me

and swore to my heart

i thought you had me

and swore back

holding hands

kissing in the dark

making promises

we we sure we could keep

talking about forever

and ever

never mentioning

the fact that life

has its own way

of making us fall asleep

and forget.

but somewhere down deep

i've never forgotten

what we used to share

so pure and yet so naïve

i still carry the heart

of that sixteen year old kid

and will treasure it

like one treasures a trophy

for as long as i shall live.

 i am actually looking forward to something that makes me truly happy : making greeting cards.

something as simple as that.

i feel like i live in a nutshell; feeling incapable of moving an inch cause i am afraid it might brake. this of course is only an illusion, everything is an illusion. my Fear especially.

today i felt weak; too weak to face anything; although i faced my Fear this morning as the D day approaches. i cried a little and then all seemed ... less terrifying. i did some yoga ( the only thing that really helps is yoga, always was yoga) and i wrote in my new notebook/diary but i feel stupid writing in it, so i try writing "positive thinking" stuff with some "wise quotes" here and there; then when a read what i wrote i wanna throw it in the trash. anyway, i thought it'd be a good idea to start a new notebook like that since i threw my old ones when i moved in with C four years ago, now that the need to write down feelings and thoughts has sprung again. 

guess i will come here from time to time; feels good to post random yet not so random stuff.

 

to my unborn child

 every tear

that i have shed for you

has become

a precious crystal

i'd give them away

to strangers

to the needy

to those in pain

but i am too selfish

of my sadness

cause it reminds me

too much

of you.