One last word
(To R)

It seems I have something left to say
I don’t know why
It has been stuck in my mind
For a long time
Longer than yesterday

See, I keep a place for you in my thoughts
A place I couldn’t locate on a map
Somewhere far, far away
Away from my trivial everyday background
Close to my dreams
Especially the one about me getting lost
(In your eyes just before the kiss
That never happened )

You said
I would have done it a while ago
If

If

A small word that still hangs on the edge of my memory
If

What if, I replied
I had done what I always imagined I would do
What if, I tasted a bit of that possible future
With you
What if, you said, Has no meaning at all
What you see is what you get
No matter what you do.

Actually we never had that conversation
Although I imagined it at least ten thousand times
In one version you become suddenly sincere
In another, you close up as you always do.

Actually you don’t need to say it
I feel the vibe you project on the outside
I feel the regret that turned bittersweet
I feel the indifference that suddenly
Became all that there is.

I will keep a place for you in my thoughts
Though almost two years have gone by
Though you never think of me
Though our paths may never cross
Though I still go to that place of
“Used to be”
Though I know it’s all lost


I know
I meant something
In that silver blue of
your eyes
The blue of your soft sweater
The silver blue that I still dream of
We Will end up both
At the end of our lives.

I guess
As most of my past lovers
I will see you
Again
On the other side.